Wishes

I dont just want him to picture me naked.I wish he would try to imagine me bathed in morning sun slight,

Sleepy lids half closed

Warm light cascading over soft skin.

Try to feel how delicate my body might be fresh out of the shower.

Or how the steam from morning tea or coffee might hide my eyes from his.

The way my hair falls past my shoulders,

Giving way to gentle curves and slender hips.

To picture how my eyes light up with my smile; bright and full of life.

I wish his chest would ache at the thought of tears falling down my face;

leaving a trail to sad and disheartened eyes.

I wish i could give myself to you and that you would be open to me.

That i could have you too.

If even for a moment.

Hold you and have you look into my eyes so that you could see me.

Really see me.

Understand what was going through my head and get it all down too.

I wish that even in the dark you would find me beautiful.

Not just in looks but in thinking too.

That when you imagine all the roads and highways of thought in my head,

The train wrecks and five mile pile ups that happens there,

You found it beautiful and sensical too.

I wish that i could have you.

I wish that i could give myself to you.

If im honest with myself this is about Zach. But to be fair it is also just about what i want in general from someone someday soon. Maybe.

Also he said today when asked why he didnt want a girlfriend and “dont you want sex?” He said “ive had plenty of sex. And that just isnt what im looking for right now”

And sometimes the way he looks at me or looks in my eyes i cant tell what hes seeing there if he sees anything or what hes thinking either and it bugs me so much it drives me crazy. Ugh.

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