i dont know.

i want to kiss you.

the idea and general concept of dating kind of makes me feel like vomiting. How am i supposed to be creating and helping this kind of relationship between both of us grow when i don’t even know how or who am growing to be? i dont want to have to put more work into someone else than me. i want me to come first. before all others am the most important thing in my life without me there would cease to be a me. i haven’t liked anyone since last year and now you’re here and i dont know what to do with myself.

love is everyone’s favorite emotion. i dont know why. its stressful how do i know that im not reading too much into things

that when you smile at me its because you actually like me for me.

how can you even know who i am?

i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know

and yet here i sit. not in love but intrigued. the butterflies sparking a kind of curiosity within that cannot be easily stifled. your dorky lopsided smile makes my stomach do a flip and your horrendous haircut just makes me want to rip my own out.

ive spent my whole life perfecting the game of sarcastic jabs and hard to get and i’ll be damned if you’re the one to break me in.

(romantically speaking at least)

maybe its just the turn of the seasons my favorite colors igniting in the canopies of trees that surround me that has awakened this fiend in me who thinks of you and wants some half-preconceived image of you.

i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know

 

just throw me under a bus thanks.

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